“Body image” and “self love” are terms that are used a lot in today’s world. With #nofilter Instagrams being promoted just as much as Photoshopped magazine covers, it’s hard to figure out how to feel about our bodies and ourselves. This is something that many women struggle with, and that we here at L&C have discussed in our own lives. That’s why we were so honored to connect with Sammi Farber, our Women We Love this week, and someone who knows all too well about this life-long journey of balance.
Sammi is an NYC-based blogger who is recovering from a battle with anorexia nervosa, which led her to start her Instagram channel and blog, Recovery Eats. It also prompted her work with the nationwide organization Project Heal, and her latest project, The Unicorn Affect, which sheds light on why health insurance needs to be more proactive with the recovery community.
Her story comes with no filter, but that is how real life is. She’s a truly strong woman, and we can’t wait to see what she does next…
Share your health journey with us…
For the majority of my life, I had been fixated on my body and “health.” I was always afraid something was going to happen to me, that I would get sick and die, so I wanted to do everything in my power to prevent that. […] I grew up watching my mom try every diet in the book, and when I asked if I could diet too, she said yes. Dieting, unfortunately, is a completely “normal” part of society these days and something I am completely against.
After years of yo yo dieting, I went off to college and experienced a terrible breakup that sent me down a rabbit hole. Instead of dealing with my emotions I decided to put all of my energy into my body and what I was putting in it. I chased the ultimate “revenge” body and because fixated on my health, more than ever before.
By June of 2017, I had reached the peak of my eating disorder. Sure my body got small, but my world got smaller. My day consisted of my workout and my food. I was hyper focused on my health, which is kind of ironic because in my search for health and basically immortality, I found myself knocking on death’s door. I knew I couldn’t maintain this life that I was living much longer and decided to seek treatment.
After learning my heart rate was about as slow as a 90 year old’s, I checked myself into residential treatment. I was originally told I would need to be there for a year, but after only 3 months, I leaned into a process that I wasn’t sure I trusted. I decided to fully surrender and trust those around me who knew best.
After completing the process of treatment that took five months to the day, I was in steady recovery. Even now, I still see an outpatient team and have an incredible support system. But, it is very hard and I put 110% into everything I do on a daily basis when it comes to my recovery because at the end of the day, when I was sick, my eating disorder came first.
When I left treatment, I vowed to never put my eating disorder first, however, I will never put anyone or anything before my recovery because I now know we cannot save anyone else if we don’t save ourselves first.
You are balancing a lot of things right now!
I blog and Instagram, and I also maintain a full time job, and I am in the application process for my masters degree in social work.
For my job, I work at a spa called Sugared and Bronzed. I get to spray tan people on a daily basis, and what’s most interesting about my job is it actually helps me challenge my eating disorder. I see bodies everyday – All different types. My eating disorder sometimes peaks through but I get to challenge that and re-frame the thoughts. I also love that I get to meet with a new person every 20 minutes! It’s kind of like a therapy session so it’s pretty exciting and almost like foreshadowing.
Tell us about your work with Project Heal and The Unicorn Project!
When I got out of treatment, I started a organization, which is in the process of becoming an official nonprofit, called The Unicorn Affect. It specifically works to raise money to help those in treatment, who might be medically stable, be able to stay in treatment until their team and doctors say they are ready to step down, not based on what their insurance says. In pursuing this, I discovered my love for writing, advocating, photography…and eating of course.
When I got out of treatment I also reached out to Project Heal. I told them about The Unicorn Affect and how I would love to get involved. It is not the norm for them to work with people in recovery but I asked them to take a chance on me, and I am so glad they did. I am a champion for them, advocating and voicing my journey as well as co-chairing their 10 Year Gala in New York. I do social media take overs for them as well and very much look forward to the future work we will be doing together!
How has blogging changed your perception of yourself?
Blogging and recovery have both made me more self aware than I could ever have imagined. I used to blog and Instagram on a personal account for outside validation, now I post validating myself. I have found my voice and I have found an appreciation for it.
Blogging has also allowed me to use writing as a coping skill rather than my eating disorder. If I ever have an urge to restrict or over exercise or any thought that I deem disordered, I jump on a live or start writing to hold myself accountable and to work through it as if I was sitting in a session with my therapist. Blogging has also made me realize that I truly love writing.
What does “healthy” mean to you?
Being orthorexic in the past, healthy, to me, always meant being fit and eating super clean. (Note: Orthorexic is the term for a condition that includes symptoms of obsessive behavior in pursuit of a healthy diet).
Now, healthy to me means mind, body and soul. I think of my body and think of the ways I want it to be strong, but I think of internal muscles as well. I want to have a strong heart. I want my brain to be nourished. I want to be medically stable. I have learned that health isn’t a one or the other situation. You can’t have the body without the mind and you can’t have the mind without the soul. Sure I was “healthy” on paper and looked very fit, but I was a shell. My mind wasn’t there and my soul was tarnished. We have to recognize that our bodies are a vessel, they are the car. What’s the use of having a car if you don’t have someone inside to drive it?
What is the best part of blogging?
The best part of blogging is hearing from someone who maybe read a post or blog that I wrote and telling me their story and how I helped them. It is the most humbling thing I have ever done.
And the toughest?
Making sure my intentions are pure and genuine and connecting with my soul as opposed to my ego.
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